July 15 2008
My heart breaks today as we said good bye to Carlos. His strength amazed me and although, the reasons for our meeting each other are horrendous, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to know him.
In his last days, he got to be a horse. He grazed in a green pasture. He laid in the sun and enjoyed the peaceful sounds of birds, crickets, rain, and horses whinnying in the distance. He slept outside under the stars. And he was loved.
In the hour before he died, I gave him four juicy red apples, which he chowed down in record time. He ate grass. We stood in the shade of an old oak tree. I stroked his face and withered body and told him he was a good boy and everything was going to be ok. He was sweet with me and closed his eyes and relaxed as I petted him. He seemed to know it was time to go.
I led him to the trailer and after the vet put the first dose of anesthesia in, I held his face and told him it was ok, and he was a good boy. When he lay down, I stayed with him,my hands on his face, and kept talking to him... and finally, he was gone and I said good bye.
It was an awesome and terrible day today... but those last minutes with Carlos reinforced the belief about the powerful and tender connection that can be had with our animals, and especially, with this horse who I had known for only a few days. He had a special soul that I was privileged to have known and he is one I am looking forward to seeing again when it is my turn to be with God in heaven.
Rest in Peace, sweet boy Carlos.
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